Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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