I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
