At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
