My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
