oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
