just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
