Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
