if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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