Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
