It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What a dumb baby whore.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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