I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
