Cold hands, warm shart.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
