textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I fill condoms, not promises.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
