come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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