Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
