You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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