If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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