I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
