I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
