How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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