I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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