he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
