no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
