Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize