Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
