The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
