the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How's work?
Spinning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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