I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
True strength comes from lack of pants
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
