do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
two words: eviction party
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think your dad took our porno
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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