He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
