3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize