i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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