Sponge bath it is.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She needs sedatives and a leash
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize