But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
