just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he puts the penis in happiness.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
