i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
