Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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