The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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