Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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