Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
