I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
