Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
