No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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