Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
