She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
