herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize