On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
