I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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