You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
