Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize