Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
