sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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