Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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