party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize