i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
