I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
