she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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