He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
