everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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