nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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