did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
