are you still at the devil's house?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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