Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
