I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
