What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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