I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
