So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
