There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
