my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
