just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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