Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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