you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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