guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
