9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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