Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
