masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
